“The Illusions Of Black” (Depesonalization)

Uncontrolled as it is, the menacing alien vultures of a dormant soul’s past often present an enigma of dark obstacles unseen in dimensions parallel to a new mind released“…

Regarding suicide, evil, satan, and his misfits/demons. I too had suicidal and evil thoughts that I won’t express as to not trigger anyone. You have to get out and try your best to breathe life. You have to try and learn how to feel life all over again. The more new and creative things you do, the more you replace old life trials, fears, and challenges with new. Your mind, body, and soul will naturally move on without you even trying.

Prayer helped tremendously with me. I didn’t know a whole lot about Jesus and God. But I remember reading in the Bible and hearing often even as a youngster that there was power in just saying their names alone. So whenever I would start to envision my dark and deathly demise as I was sitting on my couch, I would ask God and Jesus to guard the avenues of my soul and mind. For some odd reason, even while existing in the moment on the couch I actaully wasn’t there. I was so far beyond the present state of the mind that I felt lost and was having trouble trying to find my way back. I didn’t know you could exist in reality and exist somewhere else at the same time. I mean don’t get me wrong, I’ve watched tons of sci fi movies and shows. “Twilight” happens to me 1 of my favorite tv marathons I really enjoy watching around the 4th of July and New Years. But, I never knew that as a human I could feel so unhuman. I didn’t know from experience about other dimensions. That’s how I felt while dealing with suicidal and evil thoughts. I felt like my mind was being possessed and to some degree erased. I had never had suicidal thoughts prior to the age of 33. Even if I did, it wasn’t nothing that seemed real. I knew the difference between reality and fake. When you’re dealing with suicidal thoughts, for those with depersonalization and derealization it can be extremely hard to differentiate between what’s reality and what’s just an illusion. Due to the fact that your illusions and feelings through the sub conscious seem just as authentic and real as your current reality. You must often vocally and with all 5 senses define your reality. You must do so throughout many moments of every day until your new reality gets stronger and clearer. It does get better. Sometimes it takes awhile and quite a bit of patience. But, anything worth having is worth the time, tears, sweat, and effort. A good life is definitely worth the effort and patience. I must honestly give God through Christ that credit. That’s just my testimony and that’s what worked for me.

As time went by, ALL the suicidal and evil thoughts dissipated by themselves. I don’t know how they disappeared, but they did. That’s just not my business and is above my life’s understanding and pay grade. I know I didn’t have anything to do with the thoughts, illusions, sensations, and urges disappearing. Somehow, someway there is great powers positive and negative among us that are incapable of being seen. The sooner “your truth” actually becomes truth, the quicker and better your life will begin to unfold in a new way.