“Those moments when although you’ve accepted life the way it is and yet you always still ask that magical question, “what am I”?

Today, was actually a good day overall. But, the strangest thing happened while I was at work. I was in a room with some friends/co-workers of mine having our typical conversation about life’s grand matters. Then the strangest thing happened. I disappeared out of me. Now, this is where you say to yourself “well that happens all the time when the attention begins to drift”. But, that’s not what I’m talking about. When depersonalization hits, it’s a very distinct, abnormal, uncontrolled, and uncomfortable feeling or illusion. Then there’s the different stages of depersonalization. This stage today was a combination of feeling like a spirit/ghost in addition to feeling outside of me body. For at least 10/15 minutes I couldn’t shake this dismembered feeling. I even felt the reminiscent feeling of anxiety at some point while going through this process. I began to feel slightly panicky because I felt like it wasn’t me controlling body movements, speaking, and my different on going perspectives of the moment. As usual like most who cope with a variety of mental state of minds, I was able to hide what was going on from the gentlemen in the room. I remember getting up to go and grab something to eat so that I could at lease feel something tangible that would allow me to utilize more than 1 of my senses. Although, it didn’t initially make me feel better, it finally backed off and “I” came back into play.
For the life of me, I just couldn’t understand why that happened. I wasn’t having any breathing issues or anxiety. I’ve actually been feeling quite well for awhile. I typically deal with depersonalization every day. Throughout the entire day I’ll have small mini second episodes. But, nothing usually worth writing about for sure. Today was the most intense it’s been in awhile and I can’t quite put my finger on it. “And I won’t”. It’s not worth diving into. I know how to deal with it regardless. Just like what made me stronger, the best way to deal with depersonalization is to keep moving forward and try not to pay too much attention to it.
This is just a short journal writing for today. I hope it gave you something worth thinking about. Don’t forget, you’re never in control anyways. Give it up! Be your best everyday. Act well and do your part. Do remember always to be thankful when your eyes open and you rise every morning. I can’t even begin to relay to you the dynamics of what’s going on while you’re sleeping. You’d better take it serious to be alive each and every day. Your eyes opening up everyday is just purpose in itself.