I daily find myself wondering, “what is this thing I have and can I use it supernaturally”?

There are a number of us survivors of depersonalization and derealization that have a certain outlook on life. Each 1 of us will tell you that “we keep moving forward and love living life”. I’ve noticed a long time ago that this new conditional state of mind won’t kill or hurt you unless you let it by buying into the fears of it. “And believe my there are quite a few”.  I’m long beyond those days now. But, I’d be lying if I said I still don’t comprehend it perfectly well. I went through such a dark period in my life for almost 2 years day after day. As I sit here writing this April of 2015, I’m curious as to what this really is. I only seem to be able to relate to it all successfully as something highly spiritual. It’s still very strange in my world. I have these sometimes questionable and unclear perceptions of reality quite often throughout every day. It’s almost as if at times, my soul or mind’s eye is forever changing but yet leading me to a very special place. A place so phenomenal that even I will be speechless when these moments come about. God has given my quite bit of c0ntrol over my mind now and that’s a wonderful thing. But, it’s so awesome and even still a little panicky when it comes to these thoughts and imaginary things that move across in front of me constantly without rhyme or reason. I just look at the light invisible pages and go through it or go with the flow.

On another note, I receive the most intriguing comments all the time. I come across people i’ve never met before and they tell me how super special I am. I typically have never heard things like that before from complete strangers I’ve never met before. Sometimes it’s a little bewildering and then other times it makes me feel pretty good inside. But I never take credit for it. I always give it to God. Whatever people see in my that’s unique and quintessential is directly through God. I don’t really know what “the gift” is directly, but I feel it in and on me all the time. I look at people so differently all the time with so much love, charity, and kindness. I wasn’t like that before. I just have this incredible desire to lift people and make them feel good about themselves. Maybe that’s the gift in itself…