I had a most wonderful conversation with a young lady today whose name I won’t reveal out of respect. She’s a magnificent woman with beauty inside and out. We spoke about mental illness and mental conditions. But, in particular “depression”. If I recall, my question of intrigue was “why do the most artistic and creative people deal with depression or mental illnesses in general”. Her response in so many words was, “it’s because most creative people are abnormal and don’t belong in society”. They get titled as “crazy”, “weird”, “mentally challenged”, etc… Creative and artistic people are generally not accepted because most creative and artistic people have no boundaries. What society deems as “normal” doesn’t apply to most creative individuals that choose to express themselves creatively. Then she landed the most important phrase that you and I have heard millions of times. But, probably have never just applied. She said, “We Don’t Fit”. I was blown away. Not because it was new to me. It was because that seems to be “1” of the most underlining principles of many mental conditions. A lack of identity or and identity that has no place in this country or world we live in. Especially, in the “world” of our minds. That is depressing when your family, friends, and co-workers feel you’re not normal or ungrateful or a lost cause because of how you view life.  I never really applied it to even myself  until Dec/Jan of 2013. When depression started for me in December of 2013, I actually did think about how I was off track in life. My life and identity wasn’t my own any more. I gravitated heavily to art. It didn’t matter what it was. I just needed to release all that was in me in addition to all that I lost. I lost my entire being when those panic attacks hit in May of 2013. I remember sitting around thinking about why I was so lost inside and out. Then it hit me. “I’m an artist”. I didn’t know radio production was a major part of my identity. “More than it needed to be”. I thought about how I had been doing radio production for over 14 years. Then I thought about the entire objective of “radio production”. It wasn’t the radio production itself. It was the creative aspect of it all. For 14 years, every day of my life was spent creatively expressing my identity and emotions through radio production a.k.a “radio imaging”. That was the bottom line. I was creative and an artist and I didn’t fit anymore. Ironically, I’ve never quite fit. Even in high school, I knew I was different. I was strange from the perspective that I wasn’t like most guys. I didn’t fit in all the time. Sometimes I could mask things just to blend in, but when I was by myself I was like, “man I’m different these people”. I still didn’t know I was artistic then. My brother was the artist in the family. Much earlier on in life, it hurt because I was different. Then it worked to my advantage. I embraced it all and decided that who I was in addition to my unpopular train of thought was wonderful for me. It was me and nobody could take that away from me.

Depression was something I hope to never see or feel again. When I explain depression to people, I always say “imagine waking up every single morning of the week and going throughout your entire day with a deep and heavy sadness that you can’t control. You’re in a dark hole and you can’t get out. Sometimes you see some clarity or light and then you fall right back in the hole. I was lost. I came to the conclusion 1 day that in addition to being creative, the minds of those who are artistic, creative, and lost are extremely wide open. My soul and mind was on this realm/plane of dimension that was infinite. “How in the heck can you get lost in your mind”? My mind would take me places that I would not wish upon my enemies. It was devastating and I couldn’t control it.

I wrap this up by saying a couple things. Those dealing with depression and other various mental conditions “do fit”. The average person would never understand how unlimited and crafty the mind can be without a foundation or control. The average “normal” person would buckle and let go of life if they went through what we go through or have gone through. The average “normal” person does everything society wants them to do, so they fit into this box of ideals that establish them. That sir/mam makes you a follower with a mind not of your own. I was just wondering,  “where does that fit”?  Many of us that “don’t fit” possibly at some point lost control of our minds and identities. Maybe we dealt with trauma at a young age. Maybe, we were in the military and killed people for a living for umpteen years. “How does 1 actually fit back into society with it’s ideals”? It’s excruciating with an icing of extreme mental anguish. It’s tiring and you do want to give up. Life isn’t easy for many of us that deal and cope with mental conditions. But, that doesn’t mean “we don’t fit”. I challenge all of us who are different, unique, and have various mental conditions to change the world’s prism on what’s normal and what’s not. If you only knew, we do have the power to make what’s viewed as abnormal to be viewed as unique and normal. What if every single person with depression and all mental conditions came out today and said this is what I deal with, this is who I am right now, and I love me no matter what I’m going through. “Then who would be normal”? Then I ask you, “who would fit”? I’m just saying…

P.S. – I kinda like that I don’t fit. I wouldn’t want to anyways… I’ll be dat