“I feel that 1’s perception of 100% recovery is relative to where they are at this moment. Especially if you’ve dealt with Depersonalization for a long time. My reality of 100% recovery may be 75% to someone else and then 20% to another. Basically how would 1 know what 100% recovery is? I’m totally nowhere near who I was before it all began. I don’t even remember that dude. But my 100 is cool though. For now”…

I wrote this just the other day when someone asked, “who here is at 100% recovery from Depersonalization”? That’s probably 1 of the most popular questions I get asked often. “So are you back to normal”? Have you recovered fully”? “How long will Depersonalization last for you”? “Do you still have Depersonalization”?

For starters, I’ll answer the main question. “Am I back to normal”? What the fudge! Did you not read what I 1st wrote? Normal? (Lol). How do you go backwards? I always pose that question for every person I come across. People always say they want to go back to who they were. Honestly, I can only speak for myself. I’m sure many others who are survivors of depersonalization have their own separate stories. But, for me I say no. No, I am not back to who I was before my trial began. It’s impossible to be that person again after going through so much for over a year. Oh and by the way, “what is normal”? Did you actually feel you were normal before it happened to you? Who told you that you were normal? I get it though. You want to see and feel life as you once did before everything happened. For me, I still do see and feel life. But, not like I once did. After going through all I went through, my senses have changed, my feelings have changed, and my prisms and perspectives on life have changed. Not for the worse. It’s just impossible to go backwards like that. God didn’t created us like that. Nor, did he create us so that we’re able to fast forward to the future either. We can only be in the present tense. That is where God is also. I had to redefine “normal”. My normal is not most people’s “normal”. I don’t think and act the way most people think or act. I can put on face just like most people. But, my thoughts, senses, and perspectives are that in alignment of things more spiritual. Without getting all weird about it all, let’s just say that the person I once was is dead. He was different and subscribed to a different way of life based on his circumstances then. My circumstances are different now and so is my vision.

“Do I still have Depersonalization”? If you’re asking me do I still have out of body experiences where I feel like I’m not myself or do I feel like my body and identity are not mine at times. Yes I do, “Do I feel invisible or like a spirit floating around or do I feel disconnected from life here on earth”? The answer is yes. Do I still have strange illusions that seem real”?  Practically, everyday. Especially when I’m by myself. Everyday when I wake up and go to sleep I’m reminded about my conditional state of soul and mind. I’m thankful that God continues to wake me up every single morning. I don’t even know why sometimes. I’ve often said that when coping with Depersonalization, your mind seems unlimited. It’s like your mind and soul is infinitely wide open to anything and everything. Even auditory hallucinations. You feel unlimited and a lack of control of everything. For me, it has been very important to remain as close to God as possible, because if  you can be that infinitely wide in mind and soul then that means if you’re not close to God, then you’ll be close to you know his. I’ve called on the name of God and rebuked the name of satan so many times. I can truly tell you that it works. But, you have to genuinely believe and want to be saved. The intensity has changed though. Where as it used to be most of the day every day. Now it just comes and goes every so often throughout the day. It all depends on what I’m doing and my stress/emotional levels. It’s very light of an issue because I choose not to be bothered by it or fear it. I just keep moving forward. The difference between me and others is that I have taken more of a spiritual stance on it, while others look at it more from a scientific point of view. For me, depersonalization is titled as an absolute connection to the “spiritual realm” of things. Unseen things and a 6th sense if you wish. Now, if that doesn’t make me normal then I don’t know what will. For me, I’ve gotten so used to it that it’s just become a natural part of my life. Sometimes I’m in that phase/prism when I’m feeling spiritual and sometimes I feel very complete with an identity. I live a regular life just like anybody else. I eat, I sleep, and I go to work just like you. I take myself out to eat, to the movies, museums, church, and I skateboard. Many people ask me do I enjoy life and do I go out and have fun. I usually send them to my photography art work on Instagram.com/elrecoramonworld. That will give you great insight to how I live my life. Depersonalization will not kill or cripple you if you don’t let it. At some point every individual with this condition comes to a cross roads. Do you want to live or do you want to die. Then how do you want to define the condition of depersonalization or derealization. Then how do you want to cope with it. I recommend a strong faith based foundation and seeking new hobbies and passions in which to cement your new identity.

“How long will Depersonalization last”? I honestly have no clue. I didn’t ask for it, that’s for sure. But, I’m ok with how I see and feel life. I went through a lot for a pretty long time. Many others have been through it much longer than I. Some for most of their life. They don’t even know what “normal” ever was. I say these things to say that you have to just keep going with the flow of things. You have to learn how to embrace “you” no matter what. Keep moving forward and try not to look back. Looking back can be very dangerous at times. The more you embrace yourself, the stronger you get and the more you feel emotions and see things clearly. Depersonalization is relative for everyone and 1 must come to terms with who they are in life and how they define purpose. I have chosen to use depersonalization or my absolute connection to the “spiritual realm” to make me a stronger soul and to help others get through the tough times and trial they are going through. If depersonalization allows me to help other feel and enjoy life, well then I guess I hope it stays with me always. I wouldn’t want anyone to suffer with these mental conditions. Life can be very hard, but it can also be so easy. “If you let it be, just let go and let it be”…